Dear Abby: Wife’s choice of son’s wardrobe too girly for dad

2012-08-04T22:30:00Z Dear Abby: Wife’s choice of son’s wardrobe too girly for dadBy JEANNE PHILLIPS - For the Herald & Review Herald-Review.com

Dear Abby: I’m becoming increasingly concerned about my wife, “Traci,” and her influence over our 3-year-old son, “Grant.” I love having a son, as does Traci, although she always wanted a little girl. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to have another child, and my wife’s focus on our son appears to be somewhat skewed.

Over the last few months, Traci has been buying Grant more and more feminine clothing. I’m OK with a pink shirt now and then, but lately it has gotten out of hand. She has been close to dressing Grant in drag. My wife says not to take it so seriously, but it bothers me when people tell us we have a “lovely little girl.”

I’m worried that what my wife is doing will have an adverse effect on my son, but at the same time I need to know if I’m overreacting. — It’s A Boy!

Dear It’s A Boy!: My experts tell me that there is no data that demonstrates what your wife is doing will cause gender confusion in your son. What’s important is that you talk to her and express your concerns privately. Your little boy is at an age where he can sense stress in your marriage, and THAT could cause him problems later on. More important than what clothes he’s wearing is decreasing the level of stress on the boy.

Intellectual stimulation

Dear Abby: I’m dating a man who is genuine, considerate, thoughtful, humble, responsible, committed to his family, and we have great physical chemistry. Unfortunately, there is no intellectual/social “connection.”

We have never had an intellectually stimulating conversation, and I’m not sure he’s even someone I would have picked to be friends with, although we do share interests in the outdoors and our faith. I feel emotionally secure with him and keep wondering if I’m being overly critical or choosing to stay in a relationship out of fear of not finding someone better in time to start a family. (I’m in my early 30s.) Please advise. — Indecisive in Pleasanton, Calif.

Dear Indecisive: To be frank, no one person has “everything.” If intellectual stimulation is the quality that’s most important to you, then the man you have been dating isn’t the one for you. The fine qualities you listed would weigh heavily in his favor with many women. What you must ask yourself is whether or not you can be with him and find intellectual stimulation elsewhere when you feel you need it.

Daughter refutes mother

Dear Abby: I have four grown children between the ages of 21 and 25. For years I had a career, supported them financially and put them through college and trade schools.

I remarried last January. My youngest daughter now says my kids are no longer No. 1 in my life and she will no longer speak to me. I told her my husband and all my children will always be No. 1 — just in a different way.

She’s having a baby soon and hasn’t included me in her life since January. Mind you, the baby is from a drug cartel man, they both have felonies, and she recently married her high school sweetheart.

I’m torn between getting on with my life or trying to reach out to her with hugs and kisses every now and then via snail mail. She has blocked me on Facebook and changed her cellphone number. Any suggestions? — Torn in Tucson

Dear Torn: Yes. Get on with your life. On her birthday and at Christmas send cards to let her know you love her and are thinking of her. When she needs you for something, I guarantee she’ll contact you. Until then, don’t hold your breath.

Donate clean items

Dear Abby: I was cleaning out my closets and I’m wondering if there is any advice you can give on donating household items to charity. Is there a right way or wrong way to pack them up? — Gail in Oshkosh, Wis.

Dear Gail: Any items you decide to donate should be clean and in good working order. If you are getting rid of china or glassware, toss anything that is chipped and wrap the rest individually in newspaper so it arrives at its destination without breaking. Clothing should be clean, neatly folded and free of stains. Before giving your things away, ask yourself if you were on the receiving end, would you want it?

***

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in price.

Dear Abby is written by Jeanne Phillips for Universal Press Syndicate. Write to Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com.

Copyright 2015 Herald-Review.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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