Q: Can you suggest a nice way to interrupt during a business conversation? For the past week, I have been meeting with vendors who hope to sell their products to our company. Some of these people spend a lot of time chatting or giving me unnecessary information.
I am a polite and courteous person, but this is sending me over the edge. These incessant talkers are wasting time that I do not have. How do I get them to focus on the business at hand?
A: You have not only diagnosed your own problem, but also identified the solution. Most people held hostage by long-winded conversationalists are simply being too polite. They believe interrupting would be rude, so they wait for the person to finish, silently gritting their teeth all the while.
The quick fix for this predicament is learning to interrupt in a courteous manner. When a long-winded vendor reaches the end of a sentence, you should immediately jump in and gracefully redirect the discussion.
People are also reading…
For example: "Bob, let me stop you there for a minute. Since we have limited time, I want to be sure we review all the price and delivery options. What information do you have about that?"
An even better strategy, however, is to take control from the beginning. As the buyer, you hold the "power position" in these meetings, so you have every right to define the agenda and manage the time.
Start by saying, "Here's what I'd like to cover today," then list the points you want the seller to address. To speed up a sluggish conversation, offer a gentle reminder: "Since we only have 15 minutes left, let's talk about contract terms."
Most vendors will appreciate this guidance, because they are eager to make a good impression.
Q: The mother of one of my employees recently called my boss to complain that her daughter, "Angie," was being overworked. Angie was upset because some required training made it difficult for her to complete her regular duties, so I quickly resolved the problem by changing her training schedule.
However, I was completely shocked that Angie had been afraid to talk to me directly and that her mother felt a need to contact my manager. With Angie's permission, I called her mother, who said she was just worried about her daughter's health.
Apparently, the suggestion to call my boss came from our receptionist, who is a personal friend of Angie's mother. I don't understand why the receptionist never told me about this, because we have always had a great relationship.
The fact that all these people have been talking behind my back has me very upset. As Angie's supervisor, I feel I should have been given more respect. What should I do?
A: You need to take a deep breath, calm down and recognize that this is not some sort of subversive plot. You have simply gotten caught up in a convoluted communication chain. So instead of continuing to fret about recent events, focus on the future and take steps to prevent a recurrence.
Regrettably, Angie's mother appears to be a "helicopter parent" who doesn't understand that anyone old enough to have finished high school is also old enough to handle her own work issues. To help Angie break the habit of making Mom her mouthpiece, gently explain what she needs to do instead.
For example: "Angie, I'm glad we were able to resolve your concerns about the training schedule. However, I hope that in the future you'll come to me directly if you are worried about anything. As your supervisor, my goal is to help you be successful, so we need to discuss any problems you may have."
As for the receptionist, just cut her a little slack. She may have inadvertently stepped on your toes while trying to help a friend, but that's no reason to ruin a previously great relationship.
Q: My co-worker eats soup in his cubicle three times a day, despite the fact that office policy prohibits eating at your desk. This soup has a very strong, unpleasant odor, and on top of that, he repeatedly clanks his bowl to get every single drop.
Our manager has sent everyone reminder emails about the policy, but this guy is still eating his soup. How do we get him to stop?
A: Like many managers, your boss has not yet learned that group warnings never solve individual performance problems. General admonitions are almost always ignored by the actual offenders.
To actually enforce the policy, your manager must stop hiding behind "reminder emails" and tell this soup-slurping employee to take his bowl to the break room. Otherwise, you'll be hearing that clanking spoon for a long, long time.
Marie G. McIntyre is a workplace coach and the author of "Secrets to Winning at Office Politics." Send in questions and get free coaching tips at www.yourofficecoach.com, or follow her on
Twitter @officecoach.
Q: My boss, "Jerry," keeps trying to reduce his workload by giving me assignments that he should do himself. He also fails to follow up on important issues, which often leads to a crisis. When this happens, Jerry tends to fabricate facts and blame others, including me.
I have never complained about Jerry's management style, but I suspect he knows how I feel about him. On my last performance review, he rated me "satisfactory" in areas where I had previously been "outstanding." Since then, I've been keeping meticulous records to protect myself.
After 17 years with this company, I have no intention of leaving. I'm sure Jerry's incompetence will catch up with him eventually, but until that happens, how can I preserve my career? Talking to upper management is not an option, because Jerry is good friends with the executives.
A: Having a difficult boss who is well-connected creates a challenging set of circumstances. Since there is little hope of changing Jerry and apparently no avenue of appeal, your only remaining choice is to start "managing up" in a politically intelligent manner.
Assuming that your job performance hasn't deteriorated, the declining appraisal rating is a clear sign that Jerry is not happy with you. He may be a self-protecting slacker, but he can still affect your career and reputation, so you need to repair this relationship.
First, you must simply accept the unpleasant fact that you are stuck with a bad boss. Instead of becoming annoyed whenever Jerry screws up, stop expecting him to be any better than he is. Lowering your expectations may help you feel less irritated.
Despite your low personal regard for Jerry, you still need to show respect for his position. Managers are highly sensitive to any sign of disrespect, so watch your nonverbal behavior. If you roll your eyes or speak in a condescending tone, Jerry will undoubtedly notice and take offense.
Since you say that Jerry is aware of your feelings, you must have conveyed contempt during your interactions with him. To send a more positive message, try to be consistently pleasant, cooperative and helpful. This may actually improve your performance rating.
Finally, to increase your own leverage, develop as many allies as possible. Having higher-level managers in your network can be especially useful. The more people who know and admire you, the safer your job will be.
Q: A few months ago, the small restaurant where I work was sold. Everything was fine at first, but then the new owner moved me from the day shift to evenings and reduced my weekly schedule from 38 hours to 15. This guy clearly doesn't like me, so the environment has become very unpleasant. Should I just give up and quit?
A: Before you walk out in frustration, remember that there are two valid reasons to remain in a difficult workplace. The first is the paycheck. The second, ironically, is that it's usually easier to find a job when you have a job. Unemployment is an automatic red flag for many interviewers.
If you decide to stay, use the extra 25 hours per week to ramp up your job search. When asked why you're seeking a new position, just give a brief description of the facts. For example: "The restaurant where I work was recently sold. My job has been made part-time, so I'm interested in finding full-time work."
Avoid the temptation to disparage your new boss, because that will only make interviewers wonder if you might be difficult to manage.
Â
Q: After my manager resigned, I began reporting directly to the vice president of our department. For the past few months, she has praised my outstanding performance and frequently asked for my advice. She also included me in her weekly staff meetings.
A few weeks ago, the vice president hired a new manager who is likely to become my boss. She is now consulting him instead of me. I have also been removed from the weekly meetings. No one has told me what's going on, so I'm becoming concerned about my future. Does this situation sound normal?
A: Not to worry. You're simply experiencing the turmoil that frequently follows an unexpected management departure. Having been left without a boss, you were temporarily elevated to the next level, where you found yourself assuming additional responsibilities and participating in higher-level discussions.
Now, however, the hiring of your manager's replacement has restored the previous order, leaving you to wonder where all those fun new duties went. Had anyone bothered to view this situation from your point of view, they would have realized that you deserve an explanation of the transition process. Unfortunately, no one appears to have given this any thought.
The good news, though, is that your interim reporting relationship provided a rare and valuable opportunity to impress the vice president. Having observed your talents first-hand, she is quite likely to support your advancement in the future.
To maintain this momentum, you must now concentrate on developing a strong, positive connection with your incoming boss. Since he's the one who will be writing your next performance review, you don't want any lingering resentment to contaminate that relationship.
Q: My co-worker, "Carly," has very bad breath. If she comes into my office for even a few minutes, the odor is still there after she leaves. This is really bothering me, but I don't know how to tell her about it.
A: Hygiene issues are among the most difficult topics to discuss because they are so intensely personal. Even if Carly is aware of the problem, bringing it up would be awkward and might cause her to avoid you in the future.
Instead of raising this delicate issue yourself, consider asking your boss for help. Because managers are responsible for providing feedback, Carly may be less offended if the message comes via that route. Here's one way that your boss might begin this uncomfortable conversation:
"Carly, I need to talk with you about a sensitive matter that is somewhat difficult to discuss. However, as your manager, I feel obligated to mention it. I've noticed that at times there is a rather unusual odor on your breath. This sometimes indicates a medical problem, so I wanted to see if you were aware of it."
